Suggestions on How to Diffuse a Tense Situation

Of primary importance is that the best avoidance is to recognize the early warning signs.  In other words, at the beginning of a confrontation, the person in question may be only mildly annoyed, but if two people begin escalating the situation, it can ratchet up towards unfortunate results and even violence.  There are some techniques to calm a person down.

One way to de-escalate is some form of apology.  It could be something as simple as “I’m sorry you are so frustrated, I’m trying to do the best I can,” or something of that nature.  The second device is to agree with the declarant to the extent practical.  A third consideration is to find a way to make things right.  If the person loses control and starts shouting, a good approach is remain calm and say, “Can we both talk about this in a civil manner, please,” or something of that nature.  It may be helpful to be somewhat docile as you cannot get into an argument if you don’t argue back.  A related approach is to say, “Look, I don’t want any kind of trouble, why don’t we just see if we can work this out.”  If in spite of these techniques things get out of hand, find a way to get out of the aggressor’s line of sight.  As part of applying these techniques, consideration should be given to either calmly moving toward an exit point or at least planning how to get away. 

This article is part of our February 2026 Newsletter. 

View the newsletter online

Download the newsletter as a PDF